Growing up I have always been under my mother’s wing.
Anything I wanted she would climb through hell and high water to make sure I would get it.
As grateful as I am, I still think that left me with a handicap…
especially when I went to college.
College, the first time we are left alone to fend for ourselves as “adults”.
Some students do well because they may have had some preparation for those moments…
but not me.
I was excited to go because I was finally able to get away from parents and explore the world on my “own”.
Little did I know I would discover something about myself I didn’t realize existed.
I knew absolutely nothing.
Every decision felt like a life or death situation.
If something came up or I needed help in matters that felt bigger than me I had no idea what to do.
If I’m honest, when I first got to college I didn’t know how sheltered I was until my dorm was planning a road trip to another state for some event.
My first initial thought was I have to call my mom to ask if I can go on the trip.
Another decision I did not know I could make on my own.
I’m not talking telling your parents where you’re going but asking permission to do anything.
All decisions were now up to you and you had to live with the consequences.
Not scary at all, especially when you grew up with all your decisions made for you.
It was at that moment I knew I didn’t know how to depend on myself and make decisions for myself.
I never felt so much like a child.
From that moment I had to learn how to make decisions for myself and be dependent on myself.
It wasn’t easy though, it was like trying to break a bad habit.
Anytime I needed help, my first thought was, who can I ask besides my mom and when I couldn’t think of nobody I gave up.
It was depressing.
Eventually I got fed up…
I was frustrated that no one was willing to help me along through life.
I’m not saying hold my hand every step of the way, but a guide to making better decisions.
A personal mentor to show me how to make the best decisions for life.
My sensei, my chinese guru master.
Sadly that person never came 😔.
Well not directly.
One day I met a fellow student like myself and seeing his interactions with others forever changed the course of my life.
I knew I wasn’t dumb, but I knew I was missing something that could help me out tremendously.
There was something different about this “kid”.
He seemed confident and sure of the decisions he made in his life.
What I discovered was that…
he read books.
Not just novels that schools required us to read for class, but these were books about personal growth.
Better known as self-development books.
I thought it was funny because everyone would go to this “kid” to answers or his opinion on what they should do…
EVEN ADULTS!
I knew this person knew something I didn’t.
That led me to begin reading books.
I asked him for some recommendations on books to read…
And trust me I hated reading, but if this could help me get out of the frustrated place I was in then I’ll do whatever it takes to get help.
One of the first books I read was “rich dad poor dad” and as I read it opened up a world to me I never knew existed.
I started learning concepts and “big words” I thought I would never understand.
I felt smarter and honestly I felt like I was gaining more confidence.
The biggest thing I learned from this experience was my mindset and…
to ask questions.
If there is something that you don’t know the most important thing you can do is ask yourself…
what does this mean and how can I find the answer.
So the one thing I learned that led me to my independence today is…
Ironically for me to be independent I had to learn how to be dependent on answers from my research.
Since I didn’t have a personal mentor to teach me the ways of independence, I had to create my own through these books and the research I was conducting.
I learned that no one is going to come to you and give you the answers.
You have to take the initiative and conduct your own research for the answers you’re trying to find.
Others may have the answer you’re seeking for, but you wont know until you begin looking for it.
Success in life depends on nobody else but yourself.
When I understood that, no one was going to stop me from getting a life I wanted.
Now if there is one skill I have learned that is vital for life is…
If I don’t know something I can guarantee you I am going to do my best to find the answer, or I am going to find someone who does know.
Many have heard the quote “google is my best friend” but I don’t think some people hold to that as true.
Many use it to find things for entertainment, but how many use it as a source for education that could change their life?
I see too many people give up because they don’t know how to get the answer, but my gift of determination to find an answer is what I believe that sets me apart from others.
And sometimes it really is as simple as asking google “what is”…
Fill in the blank and don’t stop til you find the answer.
Side note: if you want to be successful at anything…
Keep searching for the answer until you get one.
I remember when I was tired of living with roommates.
I had roommates not because I chose to but because I couldn’t afford rent on my own, let alone financing my everyday life.
Minimum wage wasn’t cutting it and I was sick of it.
So I did some research on how I could better my finance situation since college did not help with a job.
Doing some market research I noticed there was a demand for web developers and I knew I had some background in web design.
So I began studying what it took to get a job in the field and…
I succeeded.
I got a new job that paid significantly higher and I was able to get my own place, no roommates, and get a new car and afford all my life expenses without wondering how am I going to pay for it all.
I had finally learned to be independent by depending on myself and from the research of knowledge of others.
Now my next research goal is the path of entrepreneurship and business.
My studies consist of others who have been successful in their industry and what it takes to get there.
And I’m not stopping until I find the success of creating a business around providing resources and tools for other young web developers to learn the art of research to find success in their own lives.
I now love to conduct research and read books to help me grow.
So if you want to learn how to become independent follow me 😁…
but seriously, learn to how to conduct research on success you want to be good at and you can start with an article I wrote here 👇🏼
The Ultimate Skill For Success In Any Field.
And I definitely recommend specializing on one thing if you want to see leaps and bounds in your life.
A great book on this is “The One Thing”
Independence for me means not waiting on others for the answer but taking the initiative to find the answers for yourself.
So go learn the art of being independent, but just know being independent doesn’t mean to do it all on your own…
but dependence of creating your own mentorship to help make a tremendous difference in your life.
